If I were to write the end of Lost....

The Next episode.....

The Episode starts by having Jack, Hurley, Kate and Sawyer meet up with Miles, Ben, and Richard. They trek through the Jungle to get Desmond. On the way there, however, They get stopped by Charles Witmore. This is an Issue, because we don't where Witmore is coming from. Commercial break one....... I could really use some of those Pizza rolls, I like Pizza rolls with ranch dressing........I can't wait for the I phone to come to Verizon, Luke Wilson Shut your Pie Hole, because everyone knows all the cell phone companies are owned by the Chinese Government and it's just a false ploy to make believe one company is better than another, because they are all the same except U.S. Wireless they are owned by the Nazi's............ Back to Lost....


Witmore explains that he learned that the Smoke Monster is Evil incarnate and that if he escapes the island the world will end before Jesus can come back, And that is going to really Piss off Jesus, and like the Coen Brothers clearly stated in the Big Lebowski: "Nobody F*$@s with the Jesus" So, They have to split into teams again. Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, Kate and Miles and the hot chick that looks like Tina Fey go after Desmond. The rest (Ben, Charles, Richard) go to prepare for the big battle. The main Character's set up camp outside of where the yellow plane fell. (the Heroin plane) Tension grows between Jack, Sawyer and Kate. Hurley and Miles Ignore this and go rummaging through the plane for some unknown reason. Miles hears something turns around and there is a blond headed man standing there. Before Miles can say anything the man disappears into the shadows. Miles tells Hurley, Hurley freaks out and tells Jack and Sawyer they are now on edge.

Flash over to Richard and Ben. They are putting the finishing touches on some machine in the dark. Ben and Witmore have a heart to heart and settle their differences. Awwwww. Richard then tells Witmore that he doesn't trust Jacob and thinks there is a way to sink the Island that will destroy both the essence of good and evil on the Island correcting all the wrong that has been brought by the Island. (This is why the Island was underwater in the flash sideways.) Witmore says Richard that is precisely what this machine will do, but I need Desmond to turn it on because he is the only one who can do it without dying. Commercial........ Dammit now I want a Reese's. ....... Stop Showing me advertisements for V, I didn't like it..................mmmmmmmmmmm vlassic pickles......... and we are back....

Flash Sideways........ Jack and Desmond meet and put it all together that something is weird about the all the people on the flight 815 so they begin investigating.......... flash back to the interesting part...... It's morning good morning Hurley the big bad blond didn't get anybody. not yet. So Hurley notices the tension between Jack, Sawyer and Kate is just really thick and tries to get Jack to realize she's a ho and you can't turn no ho into a housewife I mean he already tried and the bitch just took his nephew and split like swimming shorts on a fat kid. Jack says whatever. An unexplained Explosion! boom hiss pow boom. WTF! The team has to split. Jack and Sawyer speak at the same time. Jack: "Kate, we need to go get Desmond."
Sawyer: "Kate, we gotta go help Widmore."

This brings on what we have all been waiting for. this epic Scene where she has to Pick one of the two guys and then right when she is about to pick.. Commercial.......I think I would like the cheesburger doritos........ Luke Shut The Hell Up those maps aren't even real, they are computerized..........



Come back to Lost The Blond person from earlier shows up. head-shots Kate and runs off into the jungle and then Sawyer goes all ape crap and chases the guy down tackle him and it turns out to be.


Switch to Widmore storyline, Ok so they see the explosion too and Witmore says I need more time to finish the machine Ben and Richard goes out to check it out. flash sideways.... Jack And Desmond set out to gather Hurley and Sawyer to combine there efforts. Charlie dies of and overdose we see it on the TV Hurley is watching. Hurley and Libby are engaged to be married, but Hurley can't find Libby she has disappeared. Sad. But we all knew it wouldn't work out. Hurley agrees to join them, and Sawyer and miles do to, Sawyer mentions Kate, Jack mentions Claire and.........commercial........I really do want to buy trident three layer gum ... that crap is good.......Back to Sawyer and Kate's Killer!!!!!


It's......Aaron from the future!!!!! He got trapped on the island during all the time jumps! All he knows is that he is a government officially trained Assassin sent to this Island to Kill Kate and anybody who got in the way of Killing her. He says his name is Aaron and he was sorry, but he has a helicopter if they want to leave. Miles says Hell Yeah and Jack doesn't let Sawyer Kill him they trap him tie him up. Then Locke appears Dammit they have been caught. Locke is like well so you survived. Hurley says yeah after you tried to Kill us. Claire is pissed, but then realizes the Smoke Monster just blew up a boat and Killed the Kwons and says " Your Evil you bad Smoke Monster thingy, I don't think we should be hanging out no mores." So, The Smoke Monster goes all ape crap and Kills Miles and the hot chick that looks like Tina Fey...... Commercial...... YES Another Twilight Movie Eclipse, Holy crap they are cranking them out.........


Jack who can't be killed by the Smoke Monster stands his ground and it leaves. Sawyer curses. Hurley is upset Miles is dead. It's now Hurley, Sawyer, Jack, Claire and Aaron. They get Desmond. switch back to Widmore. Ben and Richard find what blew up, It was the Darma Station with medical supplies, Ben explains that if severally compromised all the Darma stations are rigged to blow up and that they must be starting to blow up. They hurry back to widmore.... Back to flash sideways.

Jack and Desmond recruit the ladies and the work toward Sayid, which Sawyer remember's being on the plane, they then go after Locke as well, The get to Locke and his Wife ran off with some biker dude who sounds like Hellboy works in a shoe store and puts his hand strangely in his pants and got her eye poked out so she only had one eye, but she can still fly the ship and is actually an orphan from the sewers(Sons of anarchy, married with children, and futurama references.)Locke comes with them, but his brakes fail and he rolls down the hall out a window and onto the ground, and since there is no Jacob he dies...... Commercial...... They make Chocolate Cheerios WHAT I bet that's delicious......Scott Pilgrim you Rock my World..........

Back to Jack and Desmond they set up camp. There is this sweet scene where Claire feeds Aaron because he is tied up and she accidentally spills food on his chin and whips it up with a spoon (reminiscent of her being his mom) then they decide they need his help so they let him go much to Sawyer's dislike. They yet again split. Sawyer, Aaron and Claire head to the Copter while Hurley Jack and Desmond make for Witmore.

switch to Widmore..... Ben and Richard get back to Widmore and he has finished the machine and tells Richard he knows what he has to do. Richard Kills Ben. Widmore says good job Richard and Richard replies with a bullet to Widmores head and now the smoke monster walks out and says good job Son!!!!!! Jack, Desmond and Hurley are almost at Widmore's camp and Jack says I think something is wrong. Hurley says Dude. and Desmond says Brother. They then run into and have a small battle with Mikhail, Tom and Ethan, don't ask me how they are still alive they just are. Ethan goes down, Tom goes down, and Mikhail goes down. just when they think it's safe Hurley says dude and Mikhail shoots him and Hurley dies. I know I don't want this to happen that's why it happened. now it's down to Desmond and Jack to save the day from the evil Richard.

Swtich back to Claire, Aaron and Sawyer. they are in the helicopter and fly to the camp and meet up with Richard. He tells them the smoke monster killed everyone and he is the only one left because he can't die. They buy it. commercial...... Orvell you Rock sooooo fluffy..... and buttery........ now I want another Reeses.....and a Dr. pepper.......

Jack and Desmond get there and they are like what do we do to turn this on. Richard explains what the machine does and why it needs to be done. and Desmond gets in the machine. they start the helicopter, The Smoke Monster Shows for one final Battle Aaron and Claire and Richard get on the helicopter, Desmond starts the Machine. Richard Yell's You were a bad father! I wanted that G.I. Joe Medical station and you got me the training camp. You Lousy Bastard!!!!! Sawyer, Desmond, The Smoke Monster and Jack Die with the Island as it implodes and sinks to the bottom of the ocean.


Flash Sideways everyone walks outside the sun shines on them and Claire goes into labor, they rush her to the hospital to have the baby, the rest get on a bus and it blows up. they all die dramatically. Claire has the Baby and names it Richard. What the Hell? The guy who originally played the smoke monster, the guy in the black shirt, shows up with Eloise and they adopt Richard explaining that Eloise just lost both her son and daughter in a tragic fishing accident on a boat near some strange island. Claire is happy to get rid of the baby so she can go snort Coke and whore around with rock stars. Flash back to real time.

Richard is setting on the Beach reading a book how to cope with life when your father was evil and your mom is Hot and drinking a Pepsi because evil people choose Pepsi over Coke. It flashes to a bedroom scene two naked sweaty pairs of legs are wrapped up and entangled in the sheets. where yep you guessed it, Aaron and Claire are naked together in the bed. Just finished off some hot incest Loving,EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW (but they don't know it because Aaron is from the Future) and that how Lost ends. With a great big yucky. A mom sleeping with her son, but they don't know it and a question to why did Claire name her baby Richard in the Flash Sideways when she said she was going to name Aaron. And what's the deal with the smoke monster still being alive and with Eloise in the flash sideways.