(this is going to be mushy and destroy my manhood, so to all my gentleman friends and other guy friends, because lets face it just because you are male and my friend doesn't put you in my gentleman friends column. {Yes I am looking at you Dustin} you should now click away from this page.) (I suggest googling Sarah Underwood on G4tv)
Anne is 100% my soul mate. Here are three reasons that I came across today. The main one being the last.
1) She handles the money. At some point around I don't know 7 or 8 years old I had my first job. This job was gardening for Ashli's Grandma. I didn't do much, but made some cash. At this point with money in my hand that I worked for, I realized I didn't want anything to do with keeping up with it. As I grew older, the fact that I don't like to keep up with my money lead to me spending and not keeping track, which caused issues and eventually I realized I had to keep track. Which sucked. I tried to get my mom to keep track, she didn't want to. So when meeting Anne and marrying her she wanted to keep track and budget. For all the love that is pink and chocolate coated. ( I assume that's what love looks like since that is what you see on Valentines day ) I never have to keep up with money again. If we need something a simple text does the Trick.
For example: Hey Anne, Can I get that thing we need for this contraption to work? Anne replies: Yes. Get yourself some coke as well. (Coke as in Soda, not Coke as in crazy white feel good powder)
How Sweet is this deal. She is happy, I am happy. Fanfreakintastic!!!
Ok So....
2) The second reason I know Anne is my soul mate. She can entertain herself. There are loads of time in this life when the only thing I want to do Is drink my Cola and play video games until I am so dizzy I have to take a potty break. Most women, at least that I see on T.V. and a few ladies who hound the dog fecal matter out of their husbands when they are playing video games wouldn't have this. I don't do it everyday, but when It is my video game time, she splits. She either reads a book, watches stuff on the Computer or does Crafty type things, like Family History, Scrapbooking or sewing. Sometime's she turns all Brandon and plays video games until she is dizzy, I return the Favor by burying myself in comics. This is whats cool about Anne.
Also on this list included with number two is when my guy friends come over, she is the same way!!!! I do almost always check to make sure she is cool with it, even though she always is. I know guys who have been married longer and have NO traditions with their guys night out. I have a monthly guy night where I go to Dustin's or He come's to my house and we watch silly movies about monster's being homosexual in a heterosexual monster society or Rednecks being victims of angry teenagers Or Trolls and Tires. Anyway, Anne is always cool with this. Also, if that new video game comes out and Justan or Dane or Dustin and I have to pull an All niter to get through it. Guess who doesn't care as long as she can go to sleep. Man what a cool wife!!!!
3) The third and most important reason, and the visual inspiration that caused me to write this short blog. I cleaned up the Washing Machine at our new place for her. Yes, it sounds trivial, but let me explain.
Hair is Gross.
Sick-nasty fish soup sandwich on vomit bread gross.
Some people can deal with that hair in corner of the bathroom floor, or that hair around the drain of the Bathtub. I CANT!!!!! Anne knows this. Anne regularly cleans things so that i don't get grossed out.
Lets get one thing straight before the ladies out there get all defensive. I am hairy, It's not a secret. I do my best to clean up after myself. It's other people's hair that makes me turn white and swallow my own vomit. If I Shave I wipe down the sink. If I trim my beard, I wipe down the sink. I clean the tub after I shower (sometime's, I am a dude and therefore forgetful. It's in our Genes, I don't know why women get so upset when guy's forget stuff.)
So, why is me cleaning out our new Washing Machine prove that Anne is my soulmate? We got it from a.... Brace yourself for the horror (Imagine X-file's type music here) HAIR SALOON!!!!!! Did I spell Saloon right it could be Saloon (where guys go to drink, play cards and dandle the handle with loose ladies) Not sure. Oh hey my train of thought is blowing it's whistle at me......Oh.
So having a washing machine from a out of business Hair (insert correct spelling here) mean's one thing. A Machine full of other people's hair. Oh, GROSS-SAUCE. So today I went and got a part for the Machine, fixed it. Then I looked inside and saw the machine in all it's guts and gore, which was worse than any horror movie. Ton's of people's hair I DO NOT KNOW!!!! King can't write a more horrific scene for me than this tie die hair filled lewd Smut filed tub of raunchy debauchery. There were black's, whites, reds, browns. kinda like the color of dog barf after they break into the lucky charms. It was obscene.
This horrible scene rendered me incapacitated, and unable to digest lunch properly and for sure made an ulcer act up, I've never had one, but I am sure that was the feeling it gave me. Some of you may be laughing right now I assure you, if cousin IT hugged me I would probably run away crying. Hair freaks me right the Math out! I used to freak out when I sit behind a girl in class and her hair hit my desk, SO NASTY. Anyone ever notice how I always sit behind guys or girls with pony tails or short hair, that's not a coincidence. One time I went to class and sit behind this girl (whom i am friends with) She had her hair in a pony tail so I thought it was safe. 10 minutes into class she took it down and every so often tossed it, I am guessing so it would dry evenly. However, this tossing would catch me every so often on the hand, then a few loose hairs ended up on my note book. I silently freaked out and left class early. You laugh, but screw that. Yuck!!!
Long story short. After gearing up for the job
and having my trusty Mean Green Orange Clean handy with some bleach for good measure. I went After the Dastardly hair.
After 20-40 Pace type gags. A shower and sanitizer. I was done.
This is why Anne is my true soul mate, because if she wasn't I would have left it for her to do.
The End.
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