Russ Brevipe Interview!!!!!!! The transcript for all to read!

BE: May I first say it is a pleasure and I really must thank you for letting me interview you Mr. Brevipe. I really do appreciate this opportunity to take a look at the Travesty of your land by one of its first victims. I understand that 10-18 was a true catastrophe for your people. So being able to take a look at it through survivor’s eyes is very important. It also is one of the longest ongoing terrorist attacks in recorded History. However, it is also one of the most overlooked war’s by the media and otherwise.

RB: Thank you, for being so nice and considerate of our world being turned inside out. I appreciate your courtesy and please call me Russ.

BE:That’s no problem Russ, I guess since it isn’t well documented what has been going on in your vast land, we should get a background to what lead up to the terrorist attacks?

RB: Yes, that’s fine.

BE:Ok. Well, I guess give us a brief History of your world, before 10-18.

RB: Well, about 3 years prior we were ruled under the tyranny of the Queen. She used the hardbacks or turtles, and us among other races as slaves; we built her massive castles all over the land, when we finished one we would be sent to work on another. Our slave driver’s were those oppressive stool people. That forced the hardbacks into carpentry, welding, and other manual labors. This of course was to break their spirits, because the hardbacks have always been our lands best artist and poets. So we were all forced into hard labor by the Queen. Until, the great Bowser stood up to the Tyranny and freed us all from her dictatorship and Slavery.

BE:So, Bowser is your King?

RB: Bowser is no King. Bowser is Hero, a liberator, a true leader of this land. He imprisoned those horrible toadstools and fruit bearer’s. I never understood why the toadstools thought they were so much better than us. We are all Fungus on the inside.

BE:What happened after the fruit bearer’s were imprisoned?

RB: Bowser hired several staff members to become his parliament, so that he could be sure to rule us justly. He had different member’s of his staff represent him throughout the land. We then went to work on rebuilding our world. For instance some of Bowser’s right hand men were sent to the inland to protect our more tribal groups. Birdo, Mouser, Fryguy (AKA Hotness from the lochness), TryClyde, Clawgrip and Wart. Wart was from France, Tryclyde was German although he constantly get’s accused of being Indian. Clawgrip was from the United States. The rest were native to our country. Bowser even helped get his children elected as generals and military leaders. They were all fantastic leaders as well.

BE:What was one of the biggest problems facing your world that Bowser solved first?

RB: The first thing he did is place Gold discs into place to reflect Sun’s rays from the earth. These rays were causing serious damage to the terrain causing gaping holes to appear and burning once lush areas into dust and desert. These Discs did a fantastic job of reflecting the ray’s away. The whole reason the ray’s from our two sun’s had become so dangerous was that the Queen Peach had torn down many large mushrooms that protected our land from the rays. Not only that, but her production of her many large castles and roadway’s hurt our O-Zone layer and this over time was ruining everything even our sea’s. Bowser of course put gold disc into our forest, seas, deserts and towns to reflect the harmful rays. It was working, things were starting to grow within the first year, but then 10-18 came. I think if the IAP Terrorist wouldn’t have shown up and ripped the Disc’s out of the sky and steal our supply of replacement disc in blocks and marked container’s The Mushrooms would have started to grow back and things would have finally been back to the days of my grandfather. Lush, easy environments to raise children in, now that would have been amazing.

BE: First IAP needs to be explained second, what else was Bowser changing?

RB: IAP is Italian American Plumber or IJP Idiotic Jumpman Plumber or just GREASE, that’s just talking about their mustache. Everything really. The massive castle’s that were built by our labor, Bowser had emptied and gave us all a place to live either within the castles or with-in our many underground tunnels that were previously our cities. Things were moving slowly, but we all knew under Bowser and his parliament everything would turn out Ok. He even gave the Boo’s a place to stay. Which were good, because they could turn invisible and ease drop on you find out all kind of things and then go tell people you were talking about them. They did make excellent police men though.

BE: The Boo’s?

RB: Yes, even the Boo’s. Bowser didn’t discriminate like the fruit bearer’s. He loved us all. He even had started letting some of the lesser evil toadstools open up gambling halls and shops. He believed it would drive our economy, help productivity and increase our self worth. After being made to carry Princess’s Peach’s extra shoes on your head for days on end, building self worth was important.

BE: The Fruit Bearer’s, what happened to them under Bowser?

RB: Yeah, that’s a touchy subject for some who were degraded. Bowser lost some follower’s over that subject. Some Fungus, hardbacks, even water dwellers wanted the fruit bearer’s executed. Bowser stated that he would never become a mindless dictator like the fruit bearer’s and even their queen would receive a fair trial. Some Toadstools got off, because they were just following orders. Bull if you ask me, but that’s what they said. Other worse Stools and fruit bearer’s were thrown into their own dungeons where they used to beat workers to break their spirit. Some of those poor hardbacks still just wonder back and forth in-between pipes. Poor bastards. The Queen was hung first. The Princess was coming next, but those…those….huh…. I need a break ok. You want a smoke.

BE: Oh no thank you, I actually don’t smoke, you want like twenty minutes.

RB: Well, do you want a drink or maybe even some food, I could order some Chinese I’m getting a little hungry. Just let me catch a smoke and soak in some water. I’ll be right back. Here’s a Menu to look at the Fridge is over there.

BE: Ok, I could use a Soda.

(Brevipe goes out on the patio to smoke, I get a Dr. Pepper from his refrigerator and sit down and contemplate ordering some Chinese.)

RB: Go ahead and Call and get me the Muy goo guy pan. NO MUSHROOMS. It just doesn’t feel right.

BE:No Prob.

(At this point we order Chinese and eat and chat about stuff not important and not recorded. Apparently he really hates new rock n roll, but loves stuff from my era. He is a huge Flaming Lips fan, He enjoys Stone Temple Pilots, but doesn’t care for Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the Smashing Pumpkins. He does however enjoy Fiona Apple. He said her rage reminds him of the days where they started to get the upper hand on the IAP.)

BE:So people interested in this story line have several question’s I’m sure, for instance we understand that several underground tunnels are used for housing, but why are there so many pipes placed throughout your cities, towns, and elsewhere?

RB: Oh, The pipes yes of course. Well, they are easy to explain they are a transit system, much like your highways, subways, and Train tracks. I can also explain the different sizes in pipes. Larger ones are for travel; smaller ones are for packages, mail, etc. I can also explain why our lovely Cilia’s are found in pipes and their jobs and what not. The Cilia’s are what you humans call Venus flytraps. Under the Queens reign they were forced down the tunnels to clean so that the queen’s people wouldn’t get grease or any kind of grime on them when they traveled, they were also used to dispose of waste for the Queen. The Queen used Fire to dispose of her waste, which is why some of them have the torches with them. When the liberation came they still hung around the pipes, some of them don’t mind doing the cleaning, which is great, but we saw fit to pay them to do it. They actually make pretty good money as pipe cleaners and trash men, of course some of them didn’t go this route. My mailman after the liberation was Cilia.

BE:What about some of the things that helped the IAP terrorist along the way what were used for originally, We all know they had multifaceted effects for the IAP. For example flight, growth, fire and hammer abilities, even bee, invincibility, extreme growth, underwater ability, high jumping etc. etc. etc.

RB: Yeah, that was difficult. When the war was happening around 1990 you would get the drop on one of the IAP and damn if he doesn’t run towards you full speed and take flight. Ok, Well the basic one’s that are really common are the mushroom’s. Basically your average brown mushroom are just working people hard at work, Some of them are carpenter’s like the first who was attacked shortly after me he was in his workshop, which are normally lighted boxes, minding his own business making us some mushroom mortar and boom he’s dead. Digested. This of course makes the IAP larger and stronger. They try to run, but always fail. For Princess peach they served as footstools, carpet holders, candle holders and furniture holders. Then you have the Green and white mushrooms, those are mostly our lawyers and law officials. They make sure you don’t get a one up on the system. They also have offices in the boxes, they are perfect office spaces. Near the road, easily accessible well some of them are, some lawyer’s have their office’s off the beaten path, so they aren’t bothered as much. The green mushrooms although highly intelligent the queen used them as grounds men. Then the purple one’s they really helped us out during the wars. IAP’s died or shrank when they ate them. HAHAHA, serves those bastards right. They were our kamikaze mushrooms. They were teacher’s, some professors or doctors in their field, some were even bartender’s basically all the mushrooms were just like everyone else, except the bee mushrooms, most of them were uh… a little too sweet must have been all that honey they were around. They really liked to dress up weird and listen to pop music and drank fruity drinks. They always hung out together, really uncomfortable situations. My least favorite of the mushrooms however were the ghost mushrooms, they have very transparent personalities.

BE:What about the Stars and Flowers?

RB:Oh, yes the incredible invincibility stars. I think it was due to the way they lived their life. They always were kind of off, really environmentally conscious, never showered too much they all smelled the same, they were always off to one festival or another. They were always eating this weird brown paste that made them high and hallucinate. Some of the best musicians we have ever had were star people. The one band Leo Minor, they had that hit stairway to the sky and the band pink fornax always talking about this wall they built up around themselves to alienate all people. Oh and how could I forget James Horologium and his amazing haze song. Such great musicians really brought rock n roll where it needed to be. The flowers on the other hand were weird. They were kind of societies low point for us. They were highly regarded by the queen because they were pretty; most of us however thought they were vain, always in the gym shooting up light particles to make their shine bigger, I hear it makes their root smaller though.

BE:OK! On to the leaves what were those?

RB:The leaves are the biggest tragedy of all. Well, besides the IAP letting the plague of dragon-locust out of their captivity. Leaves under the queen were one of the most blasphemous atrocities to take place. The Queen actually had to gal to use these as Clothing accessories. The leaves are priests and bishops and work closely with our large plants who are our prophets. They bless us when we are sick and help us in anyway needed through our community. Most of them died in the wars between 1990 and 1994. Mario even had the nerve to go up to our temple’s in the sky in the Great War around 1991 and took feather’s that allowed him to turn into a statue of one of our prophets.

BE:That is shameful and disgraceful the IAP need to be reckoned with. What about your root people?

RB:Well, early in the attacks a lot of our roots were torn out by the princess, Mario, Luigi, and their general Toad. Carrots later were used to give Mario flying powers with ears. The poor rootish community has gone into hiding. The holocaust against them has made them stingy in their old age. We never fully understood why they celebrated different holidays and they had their own temples. At Christmas they totally had their own holiday called rootakah. They just receive energy differently but other than that they have a lot of great comedians, Adam Undersandaler, Jerry Sunfield, and other’s are all Jewish even Ben Startchler. They really yam it up, such good movies.

BE: What about Secular things that we American’s saw along with the rest of the World?

RB: like what?

BE: Well the Super Mario Brother’s Super Show for example?

RB: Did you know that in the United States, T-Shirts, the stupid Super Show, lunch boxes, toys and more called us Koopa’s! Koopa’s! Do you believe that!? Of all words. Koopa is a racial slam, like the N word, or calling a Spanish person the S word. It means a Stupid, obtuse or to be mentally defective. That’s what they were calling us in your mainstream media. They made us look like total retards on that show it’s disgusting.

BE: What about the Super Mario Brother’s live Action Movie?

RB: I heard it sucked so bad it was a win for us.

BE: Fair point. So Russ, Let’s get a basic starting point of these attacks and tell us what you remember about your own attack’s and what happened to the people of your world after the IAP terrorist attacks.

RB: That’s fine let’s break for another cig though. Plus, I need to hit the bathroom my muy goo has turned into poo poo.

(Ten to fifteen minute break, I use the bathroom first, I don’t know what fungus feces smell like and I don’t want to know. Could be normal could be worse, it could smell like frebreeze for all I know. I grab a DP and get the next tape ready.)

BE: Okay so at this point in the Timeline Queen Peach has been executed for her crimes, Princess Peach has been convicted along with 10 others and they are scheduled to hang. What Happens Next?

RB: Well the Attacks Happen. I don’t have a good memory of the first say 4 to five months, but I can describe some of the first Victims.

BE: That’s fine; just tell us what happened to you?

RB: Well, I had been sent by my boss, Thomas to get some fresh Disc and mushroom mortar to hang them. I had just finished with getting them out of one of our outer deposits. Then started on my way back then I saw him. At first I didn’t really know what was going on. It looked like a fruit-bearer just smaller and with that stupid child abusive root killing mustache and those GD overalls. Who wears Red freaking Overall’s anyway, GREASE that’s who! Don’t get me started on his lanky green wearing pot head brother. What a disgrace taking our oracles and putting them in your pipe and smoking them. Those are our contacts with God, our prophet’s seer’s and revelators you are using to get a buzz and watch stupid light shows with. Anyway, The bastard get’s close and jumps on my freaking head, I can’t see where I’m going and 15 bones are snapped, The last thing I saw was him emptying the disc deposits and taking the ,mushroom and eating it. That mushroom wasn’t hurting anyone and was doing his job just making mortar for us to put the discs up with. He tried to run but Mario was too fast. I lost sight after that.

BE: Ok, Russ what did you hear that happened after that?

RB: Well, I hear he took apart everyone in my city and surrounding cities, underground, above ground, in the sea, in the lake, at night everyone.

BE: Who have we not covered so far?

RB: Well, The hardback races starting out. There are the green ones who are just like the red one’s overall; there are blue, black, yellow, and even spiked, no real difference. I know he took apart our Air force and Marine’s. Lots of mushrooms and hardbacks would attack from the air we have these wings that our elder’s made for us that help us fly. We can drop little sticky mushrooms or ride on clouds and drop spike backs at the IAP. Also our Marine’s are Bob-bombs, bullets bills, and chained up dogs. We also have many native tribes that attacked for instance, boomerang thrower’s and flame jumpers helped along the way. The fish of the sea helped out a lot along the way too. They even launched air attacks and had many of their cities destroyed by the IAP’s they have their own tragic story. Bowser fought for us all though. He continues to do so.

BE: Ok, so the initial attack has happened what was the outcome?

RB: Bower was crushed we didn’t know the adverse effects of the mushrooms, flowers and stars. That played a big part in the IAP’s win. The IAP had freed several enemies of the state including several Toadstools’ and The Princess. They run wild on our country side pulling up vegetables and they launched the attack against our government defeating all our ambassador’s including Claw and Wart. We then launched the counter attack lead by our military forces, Bower’s Children, and Bowser himself; we captured several kings, queens and members of the IAP. The World was turned into war, but we were defeated.

BE: In the face of defeat what did you do?

RB: What we had to do. We called on our allies in other countries. Tatanga’s attacked the IAP home base in the northern hemisphere. They were able to take Princess Daisy, only to later fall back to their own country after the IAP attacked in full force. Then they did something unthinkable.

BE: This must be the dreaded dragon locust attack?

RB: Even the fruit bearer’s dared not release the locust upon the world. They ate everything in site, our athletes had a hard time against them, they would digest mushrooms and hardbacks in minutes, mammals were chased from their home. Cacti were destroyed in our deserts. After they released these beasts we did our best to re-capture them. It did however get someone else on our side. This Wario fellow showed up to help shortly after this.

BE: What impact did Wario have?

RB: He was able to help secure our home front while the IAP was occupied in Sarasaland with the princesses. Doing their tennis, soccer, football, and playing on their Go-Karts with their buddies. Not too mention their stupid Television fighting show where one week this guy is your buddy and the next week he is your enemy. The WWF or SSB or something like that. I think the Super Smash Brother’s is the right name. With their superstars like Rowdy Roddy Kirby and Stone Cold Samus Awesome. Even the groups like triforce horsemen and the IAPWO. They had all kinds of weirdo’s show up for that. And used us as props in all of these games. The war had pretty much been lost for us. Wario helped gain back some momentum short lived as it was.

BE: Short lived aren’t you guys still battling it out?

RB: Sort of I actually got into the fight in 1996 we surprised the IAP when they were having some dessert. We captured the Princess again, we were going to put her to death finally, but the IAP went on a rampage and tore up our entire community. Bombs were dropped some areas are still in reconstruction after this fight.

BE: Do you think peace will ever be reached?

RB: we came to a treaty agreement after this fight. It was around 2000 and we reached a great treaty where the Fruit Bearer’s and Toadstools wouldn’t mistreat us and we wouldn’t attack anymore. It went on for a whole I don’t know two years maybe, when Mario went to the Island and decided to attack us all the entire IAP destroyed us, all because of some litter bug who threw oil everywhere, turned out it was Mario who did it at least that’s what the people from the island say. He even killed the Mother Cilia. This of course pissed off Bowser and our political leaders and War was declared. That fake vacation they took to kill off our people on an Island was a low blow. This turned into Space warfare, and more of the same warfare. Currently we are fighting against a rough battle front from the IAP, but eventually I hope either victory is ours or peace comes again. The IAP will just ruin it, but I’m getting old and I have a little button top to raise and this is no world to do it in. That’s why I moved to Virginia, I would love to move home, but the IAP need to leave.

BE: What do you hope this interview achieves for you?

RB: I just want to get the word out. The IAP are not good guys. The Super Mario Brother’s is a propaganda placed in front of you by an oppressive government agency named Nintendo who have providence’s all over the world. Look what happened to poor Gannon in Hyrule or Motherbrain or even King DeDede in dreamland. It’s horrible they were all funded by Nintendo. This Gorilla Government of the world needs to be noticed by the rest of the world. Stop listening to the media and get up and do something. Nintendo isn’t even the worse or oldest. Think it out you have the Atari Government, Sega, Playstaion, Let’s not even get started on the worlds getting conquered by Microsoft. Plus you have smaller countries like Capcom. They are all evil.

BE: Russ, Thank you for your time. I really appreciate this opportunity.

RB: Brandon it’s been real, it’s been fun but it hasn’t been real fun. HAHAHAHA just kidding kid, you’re ok. Keep your head and remember no more mushrooms they could have been my cousins.

Batman: Gotham County Line (Non-Spoiler)

Gotham County Line is a Batman Horror 3 book title. Steve Niles does a nice job imagining a new case for Batman. I didn't like his motive of travel. I just think Batman would do that, but to each their own. That part threw me off a little to be honest it was more Batman the Brave and Bold Instead of Horror.
Horror is definitely the route taken here. It's vivid and Alive thanks to Scott Hampton. The direction here is Batman meets Resident Evil, slash 28 days later. so basically this is a Batman vs. Zombie feel. This isn't giving anything away, because It's the basic storyline. I like the Guest appearances from many Batman's friends past and present. Niles worked them in periodically and it wasn't just name dropping. I like that when it makes since that this person would show up to help. It's good when that happens, It wasn't a cop out either, I hate it when comics are dire and then the writer put's Superman just happened to drop by and find Bruce dying on the ground and whips butt. It's lame, but Niles doesn't do that. He works them in perfectly and the story is seamless. The Art is a little rough, but I like it overall, I enjoy the rough work from time to time. It wasn't intolerable and it was perfect for the story at hand. great job guys.